about a son

by oh nickel

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03:59
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03:12
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02:21
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released July 21, 2013

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oh nickel Las Vegas, Nevada

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Track Name: Proper Introduction
I know I got lost in the rage
but is that what kept you away?
You know, I've never met him before.
I need to see what makes you stray.
Would you prefer if I sat patiently and
pretended like nothing was going on?
Would you prefer if I didn't have some friends
show up with black ski masks on?
I only want a proper introduction.

Maybe all it takes is a baseball bat to show you what I mean. The click in your jaw is a testament for trying to test me.

And when he pleads for mercy
I will live by the golden rule.
I will treat others just the same
the same way I was too.
Would you prefer if I sat patiently
and pretended like nothing was going on?
Would you prefer if I didn't have some friends
show up with black ski masks on?

An apology won't mend a broken orbital.
An apology won't mend a collapsed lung.
An apology won't make you walk again.
maybe all it takes is a baseball bat to show you what I mean.
Track Name: Haunt
I am the dark cloud above your head
that follows you around
to remind you of
the one that lets you down.
Reject guilt, but still you can't escape
the mistake you have made
is your walking shame.

Are you feeling haunted
by something unwanted?
would you rather forget
than keep up the pretense?

Self obsessed because you've no one left
at least you're guaranteed
of one thing: your own
looming mortality.
What's a burial like with no one there?
Would the priest even care
to forgive your sins?

Just because you close your eyes does not mean I stop existing. I am more than just your state of mind.
Track Name: A Few More Years
Wash your hands clean of me and then rinse them down
just to see me circle the drain, my slipping grip.
I am not your obligation anymore
a regret, a mistake, but not yours anymore

and all I wanted was you
and all I wanted was you to notice
how can I reach through to you
though your capsule shaped escape


All I wanted was to take you for granted
assume that you're there
assume that you care

just a few more years, I think I'll wait it out
the pearly gates of white have rusted shut
and you're locked out
you'll be fine, indifference is your greatest strength.
heaven/hell as long as you're gone,
to me it's all the same
Track Name: Platonic
Will you always be so attention starved?
Why can't my attention satiate your endless crave?
Why are compliments worth more if they're from someone else?Has time really extinguished your passion of love ? I think not.

I have got this dark dense swirl in my gut
I do not know how to act around you anymore
you are too transparent to keep up the game
yes, of you and what you've done: I am ashamed
keep it platonic? Come on, let's be honest...
you are selectively ignorant and he is calculatedly impotent.

Will you always be so attention starved?
Why can't my attention satiate your endless crave?
Why are compliments worth more if they're from someone else? Has he really extinguished your passion of us? I think so.

What a paradox; to want your man to be great
but not to want to see the process a long the way.
A preference for pre-made, no need to see the
rise, the fall and everything in between.
Keep it platonic? Come on, let's be honest...
You are selectively ignorant and he is calculatedly impotent

He had you, and now you're with someone new
so he did the next best thing; set up a friendship
so when the time comes to cry on someone
he'll have his lap open, ready, and waiting for you.
Track Name: Terminally Nostalgic
I am getting older
and it's like I'd rather be recreating
moments from memory
than accept living out the rest of my youth.

Terminally nostalgic, objective.
It's the way that things should have been.

Every feeling's been felt
and nothing is ever funny anymore.
Shamed to be a first draft.
I want to be more than a point of reference
to all of the other
figures of my younger years.
It's something misleading
that makes me so ....
Terminally nostalgic, objective
It's the way that things should have been.

I just want to be alone
nothing makes sense till its gone.
One winged angel help me feel
something current something real.
Retrospectively I see I need more than there was
Retrospectively I see I can make my own memory.
Track Name: No Expiration
You said your love had no expiration and so it seemed.
Well it's been a few years and I am pretending that it's just me.

It only hurts if you care.
If it is no longer, then it never was.
It only hurts if you care.
There is no temporary love.

I've felt your hideous strength
and still it changes nothing.
Each day I become more like you
than I can bear to admit.
Track Name: Pathological
From the venereal curse
to her idling hearse
she can't seem to remember
ever being more
than the ghost in the machine,
remotely operating
her own body
but now she can't seem to stop the shaking.

Pathological lover, don't you love it when I fake it all
give you what you've learned to need and take control?
Anything at all to be noticed once again.

From the Cesarean birth
to her accepted worth
she looks like a keeper
you'd keep her near.
Track Name: Matter of Crime
Do you know he thinks of you as
just a child he'd like to use?
someone to pass off to his friends when he is
through with you.

And when he tells you that
you're so mature yet younger than him
that means he's found a way to
make you drop your guard

I don't want it now.
you've been used, and degraded
It's not like you didn't know
my paranoia wasn't mistaken

Do you think he'd introduce you
to his friends and family? ha
you chose the path where your only worth
is your body

As he watches you from across the table, one thought repeats again and again:
"It's just a matter of crime until I make you mine mine mine mine mine"
Track Name: Reruns
Just like a horror film
that you've seen before
you call out to the characters and
warn them of the end.

I guess sometimes you can't
change what happens
even if they make you think that
they really understand.
You've got to look the part to sell the art.

At least try to pretend that you are worth more than that. Why are you still defending him?

And what you're feeling now
is just a product of
the sharpened tongue, the rehearsed lines
the statutory con.
Track Name: I Know Better
Here's your baby boy.
Aren't you proud?
He looks just like you,
when you were a child.
Were you always this way?
Even before
you woke up from the
American dream?

I want to believe there is some deeper meaning
that your apathy is all part of the plan
but I know better. I know better.
Relative happiness is still happiness, right?

I want to believe that you were really busy
you lost track of time and you'll be right back
but I know better. I know better.
Relative happiness is still happiness, right?

Now he is grown up,
where are you now?
You remember the fury
it comes from the inside, out.

Its got you hiding
why were you hiding?
You remember the fury
it comes from the inside, out.
All I want is to tie you to a chair and make you feel something you can't escape.
All I want is to carve you a story, one you won't forget. a story about a son.